I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
