everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
