my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
