We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
