Your face is a jimmy john
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
