Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
