Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
