I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
