im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
