Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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