dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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