I wanna bring you to show and tell
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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