I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
