There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
