You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
