i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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