ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
