i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
