Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
