sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
