Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
please come you make the beer taste better
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize