It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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