I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
