Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My bed smells like the plague
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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