forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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