Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
