So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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