I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
