Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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