the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
