so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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