I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
