I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
