I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
