A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
