I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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