Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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