I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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