i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
