I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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