yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Houston, we have a blender
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
