so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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