My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
