When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
