my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
