Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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