I wish I could teleport
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
