why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
