i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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