Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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