we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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