Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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