btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
