I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My cat gives me a boner
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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