thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
