addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
