I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
