You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
