i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
