he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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