My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
