I puked a lego.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
