Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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