Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My cat gives me a boner
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize