I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
