i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
