Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
