Heybabeimwearingurpanties
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
