Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
