You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize