Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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