Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
