Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
