i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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