do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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