He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
