I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
