I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
