nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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