First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
this will be a night to untag.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
