just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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