So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
