oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
