He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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