it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
