Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
