Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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