maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
