it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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