I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize