i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
