I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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