My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
