My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
