My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
