She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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