i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize