We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
