I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
